That Last Kiss I'll Cherish
by BonesBird
Summary: Archer is informed of the disappearance of the Columbia NX-02, and has to accept that his partner and confidant is gone, while on the other side of the report, Hernandez mourns the lives her crew have lost, and the life she wishes she had.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: That Last Kiss, I'll Cherish  
****Summary: Archer is informed of the disappearance of the Columbia NX-02, and has to accept that his partner and confidant is gone, while on the other side of the report, Hernandez mourns the lives her crew have lost, and the life she wishes she had.  
****Lyrics: Who Knew – Pink**

**The first two chapters of this story are set from 2156, while the third is set in 2381, and they fit in with the events of the Destiny trilogy of books.  
****Thank you, David Mack, for giving me so much opportunity to write Jon/Erika angst!  
Dedicated to Kuka, my fellow Jon/Erika shipper.**

* * *

_**You took my hand, you showed me how  
**__**You promised me you'd be around  
**__**I took your words and I believed  
**__**In everything you said to me**_

* * *

He looked at the pictures accompanying the official written report. He had been told already that the Columbia was missing, presumed destroyed, the convoy they had been accompanying was completely destroyed, and there was only one suspect. The Romulans, but nobody quite knew how they'd done it, and now Enterprise was recalled to Earth space to prepare for the war that everyone knew was coming. It was their duty to protect Earth and any allies who actually stood by the agreement. Earth would not stand by and be another conquered race.

Now, he was doing that alone unless Columbia showed up soon, because no other NX ship would be ready, although the other ships in the fleet were fine for defence and hit and run attacks. Earth would miss Columbia in this war, but not as much as he would miss her captain. Erika was more than just a fellow captain, and he had depended on her advice more than once over the course of his career.

Their relationship had been somewhat of an open secret within the fleet. Nobody asked, they didn't tell, somehow everyone still knew. It wasn't that he was ashamed of what they had, because he really wasn't, they had made things work, but more that they didn't see why it was anyone else's business. He had been surprised, in that respect, to be asked to give the memorial address.

"You knew her the best, Jon. You knew them the best" Admiral Gardner had told him when he'd asked why him. Gardner hadn't even known for certain what he should tell the public. There was no proof Columbia had been destroyed, but Jon knew it was the most likely scenario. He wanted to keep hope alive for the families, but they all knew what those letters meant. MIA. Missing In Action. They were a knife through the heart to any in the service.

What could he possibly say about the crew? He didn't know the majority of their crew, he didn't know what to say about Erika, he didn't know what to say about the war. How could the achievements of one crew boil down to a 5 minute speech at a hastily arranged memorial service? At least he wasn't going to those 80 families and telling them that their loved one would not be coming home. He had called Erika's mother, and seen the pain on her face even as she had acknowledged the pain he felt too.

He found himself looking at one of the pictures on his table, from a years earlier, a climbing trip when they'd both been lieutenants, and they'd gone with a group. They were stood off to one side, by far the most serious of the group, not about the climb, but about each other. The shot had been taken with no warning, and he couldn't remember what they had been talking about, but it was important. They were just looking at each other.

He didn't remember what they spoke about, but he remembered that she won that day, because seconds after the photo had been taken she'd tickled him and it had broken all his concentration. That was something she'd always done, the memory made him chuckle, before he looked away again. He wasn't sure what he should say. The photo wasn't helping him decide.

"Come" he said as the buzzer to his ready room went again. He wasn't sure if it was third or fourth time the ring had gone. Only Trip would be that persistent. He was rewarded only a minute later when the engineer almost fell through the door. By now the news of Columbia would have filtered through the ship, it was hard to stop news like that travelling.

"I was wondering if you were hiding?" he said, hovering on the threshold, his eyes roaming the Captain, as if studying him. Jonathan pushed back, putting the photo back on his desk. He met Trip's eyes, and for the first time felt the enormity of what had happened through the eyes of another.

"Just thinking."

"It's a loss to all of Starfleet," As always, Trip picked up on what was bothering him. He had an uncanny knack for understanding things he shouldn't. Jon just looked at the photo again, the photo that was the closest thing he had to her near the bridge, and the letters he saved on his personal database. He inclined his head to the photo, drawing Trip's attention to it for the first time.

"She's a loss to me, Trip."

"So it wasn't just a rumour, you two? How long?" he slid onto the sofa along the far wall, watching the moves Jon made. He wasn't sure he was ready to discuss his past with Erika, but he knew that Trip would be a willingly listener, as he'd served under them both.

"Since we met. But we started again after the Xindi mission."

"I thought it was just scuttlebutt. Rumours."

"I have to give the memorial address, and I don't know what to say. Over the years I've given so many eulogies, for my crew, for the people who I had gotten to know. Other than Erika, I didn't know this crew." He changed the subject, not yet willing to admit how much her loss was gutting him. How he knew he now needed to work to protect Earth twice as hard, because he wanted to do it for her. Trip knew the officers on Columbia better than he did, maybe there were some pointers he could get.

"They were good people. Good officers. They made me comfortable when I was there, the first officer was a bit of a talker, and a flirt. Their comm officer was actually more jumpy than Hoshi when she first joined. Ah Sidra, she was so afraid of the monsters in space. Maybe mention that" Trip tapped his knee in the way he did when he wasn't sure what other comfort or assistance he could give.

"Maybe." Jon trailed off, and picked up the picture again, studying Erika's face as he did, "I'm wondering what she'd tell me to do. Whenever I needed advice, I always turned to her. This time, I don't know what she'd say," his heart thudded in his chest as he thought of her voice. She had promised she'd help him find what he'd lost, but now she was another loss, and he was in it alone again.

"She'd tell you to do your duty, and to keep these photos close. They're all you have now. As long as you don't forget her, she's always here."

"Thanks Trip," he nodded, knowing that the advice from Trip was coming from experience. He turned the photo over in his hand again, not looking up, trying just to compose himself. Trying not to think about the hole Erika had left.

"We'll be at Jupiter station in an hour. I'll call you when we're on approach." Trip clapped him on the shoulder as he got up to leave. He looked out of the window, hoping and wishing that somewhere out there, Erika was alive, and was thinking about him too. Maybe that was too much for him to hope for, but he'd keep hold of that hope for as long as he could.

* * *

_**If someone said three years from now  
**__**You'd be long gone  
**__**I'd stand up and punch them out  
**__**Coz they're all wrong  
**__**I know better coz you said forever  
**__**And ever, who knew?**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: That Last Kiss, I'll Cherish  
****Summary: Archer is informed of the disappearance of the Columbia NX-02, and has to accept that his partner and confidant is gone, while on the other side of the report, Hernandez mourns the lives her crew have lost, and the life she wishes she had.  
****Lyrics: Who Knew – Pink**

**As I said last chapter, these are set in different years, but it's actually only about the same amount of time after the attack, but this would be set around, roughly, early 2160. This chapter will probably be a lot shorter than the last and the next. **

* * *

_**Remember when we were such fools  
**__**And so convinced and just too cool  
**__**I wish I could touch you again  
**__**I wish I could still call you a friend  
**__**I'd give anything**_

* * *

There wasn't much left of her ship, and she hated that. By now they would have all been declared Killed in Action. Normal procedure was 3 years after a ship was classed as missing would the crew be declared dead. That had passed yesterday. It was a year on in the real world now, their families would be moving on, meeting new people.

For her it had been two weeks, for Jonathan it had been 4 years. Maybe he'd be marking the day on the calendar they last spoke, their last meal together. Every day that passed for her was a few more months for him. The time dilution effects of their slow journey to possible salvation also pushed her further and further away from the life she had once led.

It stole her crew of their lives as well. There were so many things she regretted about the last few weeks, the last few years, really. Her crew were in limbo, purgatory, all of those old, mythical places where people waited before death or salvation, which is exactly what her crew were facing at the end of this long and winding road.

She wished that she could talk to Jon right this minute, hear his voice, and ask his advice. Listen to him tell her she'd done the right thing. The thing any captain would have done. The same thing she had told him two years earlier, or was it six years earlier, when he had made it home from his mission to find the Xindi. He had struggled with the decisions he'd made, but she had been able to tell him that he had done the right thing, the same thing she would have done.

That was something Jon had always been good at. He'd always known how to make her feel like she was the one who was right, that she knew she was doing the best thing. He always had so much confidence, so much honesty in everything he did, and in his doubt after the fact. In the moment, to his subordinates, he was always in control, in command, and sure of himself, but in private he had regretted some of his decisions.

He'd once told her that she should count her blessings, because everything could be worse. She didn't see how anything here could be worse than what they had already been through. She couldn't see how she would get out of this situation before everything they were waiting for had been destroyed. They were already sitting out the war that they had known was coming.

He had known that something like this could happen, but she had always told him to stop being morbid, and had laughed off his concerns. It was one of the many things she regretted right now. She regretted not saying goodbye, and so many other things. She regretted not stopping the Romulans when they attacked Columbia. She regretted almost every decision she'd made since that moment. But nobody could have known this outcome.

For now, she would have to wait, and hope beyond hope that she could get home in his lifetime. Long enough to tell him she loved him, and that she missed him every minute they were apart.

* * *

_**When someone said count your blessings now  
**__**For they're long gone  
**__**I guess I just didn't know how  
**__**I was all wrong  
**__**They knew better, still you said forever  
**__**And ever, who knew?**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: That Last Kiss, I'll Cherish  
****Summary: Archer is informed of the disappearance of the Columbia NX-02, and has to accept that his partner and confidant is gone, while on the other side of the report, Hernandez mourns the lives her crew have lost, and the life she wishes she had.  
****Lyrics: Who Knew – Pink**

**This chapter is shorter than it was originally meant to be, because I found a better way to say what I wanted to say. This one's for Kuka, my fellow Jon/Erika shipper. **

**It was pointed out to me by LoyaulteMeLie, not everyone has read the Destiny books. So basically what happened in Destiny is - the Columbia was attacked by Romulans in 2156, when they escaped it destroyed their subspace transmitter and their warp drive. So Hernandez sets a course for a nearby system pushing the impulse engines to ALMOST warp speed, which creates a time-dilation effect. They arrive at the system 60-odd days yet 12 years later. The inhabitants of the planet, the Caeliar, say they cannot leave and, long story short, part of the Columbia crew combine with a Caeliar to create the Borg and the only one to survive the whole story was Hernandez who was made immortal by the Caeliar. – This is the shortest trilogy summary I've ever written, and I do recommend people read Destiny, they are my favourite books. **

* * *

_**If someone said three years from now  
**__**You'd be long gone  
**__**I'd stand up and punch them out  
**__**Coz they're all wrong  
**__**That last kiss I'll cherish  
**__**Until we meet again**_

She had been waiting for this moment for 800 years, the moment when she could help and save her people from an enemy that seemed insurmountable, and as she arrived on the Borg vessel she found her thoughts roving back over her centuries exiled to Axion. The centuries she had lost, the people she had lost.

Now she had to focus on his face, because that was the only thing that would keep her going, his imaginary voice in her ear telling her to keep going, to push forward with her mission, just as he had done in their time together.

In 800 years, she'd never forgotten him. She'd never forgotten the way he smelt, the way he had felt beside her, how he had shown confidence and faith in her no matter what she did. It was that unwavering faith she needed now, so she kept him close to her thoughts, and knew that it was a very good chance that she would be seeing him again soon.

Focusing on him was all she could do as the Borg's mechanical devices invaded her body. She let herself go limp, and remembered their last kiss, stood under the tree in San Francisco, just before she had left for the Orias system, simultaneously 800 and 200 years ago. He had told her that he'd see her soon. That then, they could begin planning the wedding he had promised her. That was the kiss she had cherished most over the centuries.

She had told him once she'd love him forever, that some part of her would always be in love with him, who knew that it had been literal. If the Caeliar's plan worked, she would have the rest of eternity to remember him, and to love him. Until she made the decision to meet him again, in whatever reality they could be together in again.

Time made it harder to recall everything he did, everything he said, but she knew that she still had a part of him. He was in her memory, in her heart and soul, and he gave her the strength to do what she needed to do now.

"Inyx. I'm ready" She called, and started giving her new orders, saving the Drones, and the Federation from the terrible fate they had been sharing.

_**And time makes it harder  
**__**I wish I could remember  
**__**But I keep your memory  
**__**You visit me in my sleep  
**__**My darling, who knew?**_


End file.
